Possibilities
Considering how stuck they might feel, or their employees seem, I often get asked if I believe people really can change.
The short answer is, “yes.” I do believe people can change… I’ve actually seen it with my own two eyes! Changes in myself, changes in my colleagues, changes in my clients. I became a coach because I have a deep-seated belief that change is possible yet, despite our best hopes, it often doesn’t come overnight.
Sure, there are times in our lives where we stumble on that amazing book that’s just the right fit for the moment. Or we take that training class or receive feedback from a trusted friend that opens the aperture of our lens just enough that we are seemingly “instantly altered” by new perspectives.
But most often, change – and I’m talking about the kind that rewires and sticks to our bones – takes ongoing time, energy, reflection and practice. Like improving your golf game, or your apple pie crust, or your public speaking presence, change requires that you’re in it – intimately engaged – wrestling with the work and, often, with yourself.
This week I’ve been in Washington D.C. becoming certified as a practitioner of the Leadership Circle. Soliciting feedback from the two dozen or so folks I work most closely with, I got a chance to experience the assessment tool for myself and gain a greater awareness of my own leadership effectiveness.
A humbling insight was to reflect on how my leadership capacities have grown over my career. I remember painfully my twenty-something self who, as a first-time supervisor, was more focused on her own ambition and results than connecting to the people who were working for me. This week, in my feedback I could only see traces of her aggressive, railroading ways. Now, at twice her age, I look back at tenderness for all she was trying to prove and why it was so important for her to prove it. I wouldn’t be where I am without her efforts. At the same time, I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t done the inner work needed to move out of those highly reactive ways.
As I reflect on the long journey that brought me here, I have deep gratitude for the peers, coaches and mentors who honestly and courageously walked alongside me in my own transformation. I can also see glimpses of the growth still calling me as I continue to get snagged in reactive swirls, though now in different ways.
Sustainable change is driven by the tension between a clearly painted vision of what we long for and a compassionate grounding in our current reality. It takes courage and patience to hold this tension and negotiate the difference with intentional steps that don’t always follow an upward, linear trajectory. There are days we move forward, days we move backward… sideways… and, sometimes, upside down. It’s all part of the journey… the ongoing walk of personal transformation.
What stories do you tell yourself about the possibilities of change for you and your team?
